While listening for a client I heard the most unique definition of love I have ever encountered. It seems so profound to me, and yet it is so simple. What would happen if we loved ourselves and others this way? What would life be like?
I believe I heard God say “I love you without criticism, without regard to what is right or wrong or what is being done correctly or not. I love unconditionally, no matter what. Sure, there are things that I would like to change sometimes with people whom I love but it is not possible to affect any real change without loving first. The love comes first and then change has room to flow and it is not as painful for anyone.
You are such a beautiful gift of love to others and it is essential that you give yourself love too. It has nothing to do with whether you deserve it or have earned it. I know that is really hard to believe or understand or even get your arms around but love is one of those things that is there, without relying on circumstances. Someone either loves or does not love – it is not a feeling, it is a desire to see what is best for the person you are loving. It is a desire for them to be the person they were created to be, it is the desire for them to be fully alive and realized. That is what love is. It is not something given when they do something right – that is backwards. Love is something that comes amid all else, so that someone can realize who they are when other things make it hard to see who they are fully alive and realized in their destiny as I have given to them.
To love someone is to align with this concept of aliveness from my definition and the love that you have for them allows them to realize that which I put them on the earth to realize.
Love is so often misunderstood to be something you give someone when you feel a loving feeling toward them, or what you give when they have done something lovable but, in fact, true love is something that people rely upon most when they are least lovable. When they have messed up or failed, they need love so they can see who they are in my eyes. Loving someone unconditionally helps pave the way for them to be who I created them to be.
So…is it possible to love yourself. Not deciding if you approve or disapprove. Not noticing if you earned it or didn’t earn it. Having nothing to do with deserving or not deserving….but only whether you want yourself to have an easier time to be as I see you.
Romantic love is about finding someone who sees the ‘you’ who you are beyond the ‘you’ who you end up being when things are not great. It is finding someone you can exchange this with so you are both better people because each of you sees the other for who they are in my eyes and that lifts them up to a higher place. This is true love. This is why it does not make sense when someone says “I have fallen out of love with you” as a way of saying you should no longer be together. Falling out of love with someone means you are no longer able to hold on to the vision of who they are in my eyes.
Can you love yourself based on this definition of love. Can you love yourself into who I imagined you to be?
Copyright © 2024 Sherri Cowhig All Rights Reserved
Sherri, I came back to your blog because I read something (radical) about love that has a theme similar to what you wrote in this article. It was a story from the early Desert Fathers that asked a question about whether or not to turn in a murderer to the authorities. The point of the story was to ask how Love would answer the question. The Desert Father said that, when faced with a choice between Law (justice) and Love, we must err on the side of the latter. (It does not mean we let our children misbehave because we “love” them too much to discipline them.) But is does mean, as your blog says, “Love is something that comes amid all else, so that someone can realize who they are when other things make it hard to see who they are…” I was talking to Mary Zienstra about this the other day. Can we, as parents, let go of what we feel represents “right” and choose Love instead? What does that look like?